Option buying loss

 50k loss today - option buying in bank nifty. Though I'd sworn not to buy options, today I was like a gambler on steroids. There was a 2k loss at around 11 am, through option selling. I bought 1 lot of that same option and it started going to profit... So I kept buying more and more and it even showed a max profit of 11k at one point.... Still let it go to -6k. Then some more attempts. Each more reckless than the previous, till a total of 50k was accumulated, or rather set free. I numbed...depressed...surprised at what I can do... My balance now is some 1,37000 only. I have to do what I can with it. God help.